Looking back, looking forward
Here we are at the cusp of a new year. 365 days not yet written. As the news stations and the internet scroll through the popular highlight reels of the past year, I find myself wondering about the lessons that God wanted me to learn this past year, and whether or not I learned them well. Did I listen to His still small voice? Not that He is ever small, but in His tenderness and kindness, He speaks to me gently. Did I heed, or brush off His instruction, help, correction, or needful truth?
My Heavenly Father took me through the fire in many different ways during my year of cancer treatments and testing. In January and early February, I endured radiation for my breast cancer and toward the end experienced more physical pain than ever before. However, through it the Lord helped me write “Pain in the Sunshine”, where I realized that no matter how much pain I might be in to have the soothing balm of God’s presence makes all the difference. After healing from the burning, I poured my attention into choosing to do my best to be a blessing to others. By then my motto had become, “Cancer is selfish and I don’t want to be”, so I published Journey into Trust in the hope that it would encourage others and be a blessing to those who had supported me through my cancer battle and my surgery recovery.
The Lord had plenty of waves of spiritual refining fire waiting for me, after I healed from the physical. That might sound awful to you, but I am so thankful that He loves me enough to speak truth into my life and not leave me in bondage to my sin. I treasure His Holy Spirit’s conviction even though as Hebrews 12:11 states, “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
I know I am a long way from all the “peaceful fruit of righteousness” that my Heavenly Father longs to see in my life, but I have genuinely turned my heart toward Jesus and remembered Galatians 2:20 over and over again. It says, “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” I keep asking the Lord Jesus to have His way in my life and to live His sanctified life through me.
I’ve wrestled with heeding God’s call into ministry, beyond the gate, just following Him where He has led and pouring into anyone He’s brought my way. I’ve wrestled with my expectations of others not being met, and then having God remind me of Psalm 62:5-8 in the old King James again and again.
“My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.”
I’ve wrestled with learning to rely on God totally for our finances and relearning my life-long lesson of finding my security in Him. I’ve wrestled with my sinful pride, and my hurt heart, and following Jesus to the cross where I reckon myself dead to sin, but alive to God.
“Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.” Romans 6:11-14 KJV
Yes, there have been many lessons and much shaping that My heavenly Father has brought into my life this past year. Before the year is out, I plan to go through my journals and review the nitty gritty of all the wrestling I’ve mentioned and all that I have not.
There has been much joy this past year, too. All summer a good friend of mine, and I, got to meet weekly with a good-sized group of teenagers to share Bible truths and life lessons with them. We had a blast getting to know them, doing art with them and enjoying the snack theme of the week. I also was super blessed to be able to teach Creative Writing and a Film Analysis class at our local home school group again after a two-year hiatus due to my health challenges. Investing in teens is a passion of mine and God was so good to open the door again for me to walk through. I also got to see my daughter thrive in her new endeavors, and I’ve gotten to grow closer to her through the thick and thin of being a teenager. I’ve been thrilled to see the culmination of over ten years of prayers being answered as my son’s health continues to remain strong. There’s really nothing better than watching your kids exceed your expectations and grow into the people you’d always hoped they’d be.
So, looking ahead, about to start a brand-new year, I see it as being at a trailhead about to start down a brand-new path. I have an idea of the vicinity the path will likely take, but until I take it step by step, I won’t get to experience the panoramic views, or the narrow twists and turns. I won’t get to use the muscles built on past hikes or feel new muscles getting strained, but here at the trailhead, there’s anticipation. There’s confidence that the One who has walked with me faithfully since I was five-years old, will hold my hand and stay by my side each step of the way this year, too. Confidence, that though I don’t know what the future will bring, as the saying goes, I do know the One who holds the future.
I invite you to rest in the unchanging truth of Deuteronomy 33:27, as you take the time to reflect, and as you anticipate.
“The eternal God is a dwelling place,
And underneath are the everlasting arms…”
Selah
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Look into my Bible Study EARLY RAINS, which has other testimonies from my life, devotional pieces from my book, Journey into Trust, and topical studies to help you grow in your relationship with the Lord.
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Photo Credit Trailhead Signs: @nicholas_szewczyk
A wooden sign pointing in different directions in the woods photo – Free Hiking Image on Unsplash
Holly Photo Credit
Red round fruits on green leaf photo – Free Holly Image on Unsplash
