I See…

My piece titled, “I See…” was something that came to me one fall several years ago when we were deeply in the thick of our kids’ chronic illnesses. It was a time when my son had to pull back from his homeschooling classes —again— and I had long cries with God over scary symptoms and so many not yet answered prayers. I love it that our God, our compassionate Heavenly Father, really knows our hearts and knows how to encourage us just when we need it most. He began speaking this poem to me as I drove down 7th Street in our town. It is a street lined with old trees and a beautiful variety of houses ranging from Victorians, to stucco bungalows, and even an historic brick mansion called the Holcomb House. On this particular day, it was sunny and the oak and maple trees were displaying the most gorgeous autumn colors. The beauty was stunning. And God whispered to my heart from Isaiah 61:3, “To grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland of beauty instead of ashes; the oil of gladness instead of mourning; the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.”

Beauty for ashes. That’s what we needed.

The rest of the lines quickly followed when I got home. Although it is a short, simple poem, it became a lifeline of hope for me week after week, year after year, while I waited on God to bring to pass the vision of restoration He had given me.

Here’s the short poem in its entirety:

I See…

Beauty for ashes

Restoration of all the locusts have eaten

Filling to overflowing in place of emptiness

Walking, running, soaring

in place of frailty, weariness, heaviness

I see a glorious, healthy watered garden

in place of dry, languishing plants and trees

I see the Father’s delight in place of condemnation, disappointment and criticism

I see stately candles burning brightly, with no smoke,

in place of wax stumps burned down, needing to be dug out

I see climbing out of the top of the well—the hole, the pit—

strong, victorious, mighty,

and Christ-like

I see life, life indeed, in place of death

I see hope realized, and more hope to come

It is interesting that many times now, God has used things He led me to write after the fact when I’ve looked back through a journal or re-read my devotional Journey into Trust. This was certainly the case with my “I See” poem, which I had hung on my bathroom mirror to help me keep holding on to God’s promises for my family. The night that I was in my own darkest hour happened when after returning home from our trip to have my diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound done when I realized that the lump I’d found was not just some benign cyst. The radiologist had told me a few hours before that it was 80% likely to be cancer, and all the way home from Madison, Wisconsin the darkness of fear had been rolling in. I felt buried by thoughts of death. Thoughts haunted me of how in my family my aunt and cousin (both through marriage) both had battled hard against breast cancer, and both found their cancer remission go into their bones and their livers within about 8 years. It felt like a definite death sentence had come over me.

That evening after Tim and I had been talking and praying in our living room, I felt the Lord nudging me to go into my bathroom and re-read my “I See…” poem. As I did, I stopped at a line that I’d forgotten was even there. The line that says, “I see life, life indeed, in place of death.” BINGO. I knew instantly that was what He wanted me to see. It’s not that I took this as a huge promise that I would not die of cancer someday. I do not know what the future holds, but I did know for certain that He did not want me seeing death. My God of Life wanted me to live LIFE! To see, “Life, life indeed, in place of death.” The corner was turned. Light returned and He walked me through the next 10 months victoriously.

He also, in time, restored so much of both my kids’ health, and He continues to help them take new strides into the life He’s given them to live.

I love that the Holy Spirit will call Scriptures to mind and turn our hearts and minds toward God’s truth in the most precious and unexpected ways. Most of my poems are based on things God helps me notice and then in the quiet His Spirit reminds me of a Bible verse that at some point I’ve hidden in my heart. “I See…” is full of biblical allusions as you see below, but the line about “stately candles burning brightly….” is an allusion to a redemptive image in A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.

Scriptural Key: Isaiah 61:3 (beauty for ashes), Joel 2:25-27 (locusts), Jeremiah 31:12b & Isaiah 51:3 (watered garden), Philippians 2:13, Ps. 37:3-6 & John 15:9 (Seeing the Father’s delight), John 11:25-26 (the Resurrection and the Life), Romans 8:29 (being conformed into the image of Christ), Romans 15:13 (HOPE)